Post by Commander Lemming on Nov 28, 2006 11:53:37 GMT -5
THE LAST PILGRAMAGE.
Part one.
This was the last pilgrimage I ever did. I ended up more of a pirate than a taxman but enough of the end I shall start at the beginning.
I was collecting my daily taxes on the habitat station of Moneybags4, orbiting Earth when I met a strange creature he had a big black moustache and he was wearing a black and red suit with a cape and a gold medallion round his neck.
“I vant to speak to ze taxman do you know vhere he is.” He said in a deep but surprisingly familiar voice, I think it was a Transylvanian accent.
“I am the taxman.” I said.
“I am Count Dracula and I vant to…”
“Suck my blood” I enquired.
“No I vant to talk to you about money”
“Alright but later.”
As I continued my rounds I couldn’t help thinking how suspicious this Dracula character was and that I was sure that I’d heard the name before.
It was about 8 o’clock when Dracula and I met at the bar I ordered blue vodka that would probably freeze my brains, I offered the Count a drink but he said he would only drink blood.
“I have two questions for you.” He said. “The first is vill you go to the far reaches of the universe for money? The second is, are you a good gun fighter?”
“Yes because this job doesn’t get much money and of course I’m a good gun fighter I used to collect money on the planet of ‘Almost certain death’.”
“Here is what you must do. Go to ze planet of Bonanza, here is the map beware it is a long and dangerous journey, on this planet is the greatest treasure of all time. Good bye Master Coard.”
‘Ding dong passengers for port 7 boarding the ship for the planet: Aaaagh stop sucking my blood, that’s passengers for Aaaagh stop sucking my blood to proceed to port 7 for departure’
“I must go now” said Dracula.
“Bye Mr. Dracula” I said.
There was definitely something strange about that Dracula fellow I just couldn’t think what.
The next day I had started packing for the long journey ahead of me, although it was my choice whether to go or not I had decided to go because I was under paid and very curious as to what this great treasure was.
A few years ago I had bought a ship called the S.S. Split, it was sleek and had go faster stripes on the side. Suddenly a voice disrupted my chain of thought. It was saying
“WARNING WARNING there is a pirate ship onboard with enough explosives to blow the station up. He wants money and lots of it.” “Warning more pirates onboard.” It said as a laser battle erupted in the shuttle bay. As I hurriedly climbed into my ship another voice rang out. ‘Ding dong security to level 4. All non personnel to escape pods, that’s security to level 4 and non personnel to escape pods, thank you and good bye.’
Quickly I started up my engine and whizzed away just as money bags 4 blew up. I think I was the only survivor, my pilgrimage had begun…
Part Two
I have experienced quite a lot during my journeys across the galaxy but my last journey was by far the most dangerous and exciting of them all.
As I sped across the galaxy I couldn’t help wondering about why I was on this crazy journey for this ‘great treasure’ it was at that moment that I realised that this Count Dracula was actually a vampire, some crazy vampire had sent him on a long and arduous journey from which I was unlikely to return. Maybe it was fate that I hadn’t died on Moneybags4 but, even if it was what was I to do now? Find a new job, no that was to difficult because I had to wait for Moneybags5 to be built and that would take at least 5 years so the only option was to go on this quest and find the ‘great treasure’. Suddenly a voice said “Warning the ships fuel is low. I SAID THE SHIPS FUEL IS LOW GET SOME MORE NOW!” Great - just to make things worse I had a ships computer with a split personality. “Well sorry but there isn’t a single fuel station round here.” I said.
“Actually there is, it’s called Gosh. NOW GET SOME FUEL!”
“Alright keep your engines on.” I exclaimed.
A few hours later I reached Gosh and said “Gosh look at those prices!”
Just then a salesbeing approached me and said “Hello and welcome to Gosh how may we relive you of your money today ahem I mean how may we be of assistance.” I think he said ‘we’ because he had three heads. When I had filled my ship up with fuel my ship was very annoyed at me because it now had indigestion and could not fly. So, later that day we set off for the border between the Humans and the Jagudertesafe-hanzoxel tribes at least a few hours after we should have. Of course I was worried that this great treasure might be cursed and that I might die trying to get it but still I had a long way to go yet before I even reached the planet of Bonanza.
Part one.
This was the last pilgrimage I ever did. I ended up more of a pirate than a taxman but enough of the end I shall start at the beginning.
I was collecting my daily taxes on the habitat station of Moneybags4, orbiting Earth when I met a strange creature he had a big black moustache and he was wearing a black and red suit with a cape and a gold medallion round his neck.
“I vant to speak to ze taxman do you know vhere he is.” He said in a deep but surprisingly familiar voice, I think it was a Transylvanian accent.
“I am the taxman.” I said.
“I am Count Dracula and I vant to…”
“Suck my blood” I enquired.
“No I vant to talk to you about money”
“Alright but later.”
As I continued my rounds I couldn’t help thinking how suspicious this Dracula character was and that I was sure that I’d heard the name before.
It was about 8 o’clock when Dracula and I met at the bar I ordered blue vodka that would probably freeze my brains, I offered the Count a drink but he said he would only drink blood.
“I have two questions for you.” He said. “The first is vill you go to the far reaches of the universe for money? The second is, are you a good gun fighter?”
“Yes because this job doesn’t get much money and of course I’m a good gun fighter I used to collect money on the planet of ‘Almost certain death’.”
“Here is what you must do. Go to ze planet of Bonanza, here is the map beware it is a long and dangerous journey, on this planet is the greatest treasure of all time. Good bye Master Coard.”
‘Ding dong passengers for port 7 boarding the ship for the planet: Aaaagh stop sucking my blood, that’s passengers for Aaaagh stop sucking my blood to proceed to port 7 for departure’
“I must go now” said Dracula.
“Bye Mr. Dracula” I said.
There was definitely something strange about that Dracula fellow I just couldn’t think what.
The next day I had started packing for the long journey ahead of me, although it was my choice whether to go or not I had decided to go because I was under paid and very curious as to what this great treasure was.
A few years ago I had bought a ship called the S.S. Split, it was sleek and had go faster stripes on the side. Suddenly a voice disrupted my chain of thought. It was saying
“WARNING WARNING there is a pirate ship onboard with enough explosives to blow the station up. He wants money and lots of it.” “Warning more pirates onboard.” It said as a laser battle erupted in the shuttle bay. As I hurriedly climbed into my ship another voice rang out. ‘Ding dong security to level 4. All non personnel to escape pods, that’s security to level 4 and non personnel to escape pods, thank you and good bye.’
Quickly I started up my engine and whizzed away just as money bags 4 blew up. I think I was the only survivor, my pilgrimage had begun…
Part Two
I have experienced quite a lot during my journeys across the galaxy but my last journey was by far the most dangerous and exciting of them all.
As I sped across the galaxy I couldn’t help wondering about why I was on this crazy journey for this ‘great treasure’ it was at that moment that I realised that this Count Dracula was actually a vampire, some crazy vampire had sent him on a long and arduous journey from which I was unlikely to return. Maybe it was fate that I hadn’t died on Moneybags4 but, even if it was what was I to do now? Find a new job, no that was to difficult because I had to wait for Moneybags5 to be built and that would take at least 5 years so the only option was to go on this quest and find the ‘great treasure’. Suddenly a voice said “Warning the ships fuel is low. I SAID THE SHIPS FUEL IS LOW GET SOME MORE NOW!” Great - just to make things worse I had a ships computer with a split personality. “Well sorry but there isn’t a single fuel station round here.” I said.
“Actually there is, it’s called Gosh. NOW GET SOME FUEL!”
“Alright keep your engines on.” I exclaimed.
A few hours later I reached Gosh and said “Gosh look at those prices!”
Just then a salesbeing approached me and said “Hello and welcome to Gosh how may we relive you of your money today ahem I mean how may we be of assistance.” I think he said ‘we’ because he had three heads. When I had filled my ship up with fuel my ship was very annoyed at me because it now had indigestion and could not fly. So, later that day we set off for the border between the Humans and the Jagudertesafe-hanzoxel tribes at least a few hours after we should have. Of course I was worried that this great treasure might be cursed and that I might die trying to get it but still I had a long way to go yet before I even reached the planet of Bonanza.
